Can't sleep again.
I really just want someone to tell me it's all going to be just fine. But people have told me that, so I guess what I truly want is to believe them.
"That's the thing about getting older. Being a teenager is having all of the freedom in the world and having no autonomy with which to enjoy it. Being in college is having too much of both and taking a while to figure out a balance. After finally striking that balance, you're suddenly a grown-up. Now you have all the autonomy you could ever want and the least freedom with which to enjoy it than you've ever had before." Me waxing philosophical one day while scrap booking.
I thought I would feel better about this. When I was younger and people would ask 'What do you want to be?' I would ALWAYS say 'An attorney!' and it never failed, every time they would say to my parents, 'Oh, you must be so proud! She'd be perfect for that, she's such a good talker!'. So I guess I built up in my mind this belief that they SHOULD be proud of me and that this law school thing was just a minor detour to the glitzy, showy court room performances in my future.
No. Not only am I competing for grades for the first time, but I'll be competing with people whose intelligence is beyond what I can even comprehend. They're going to mess up the curve for the rest of us. Secondly, law school is not really that impressive. Juggling plates? Impressive. Med school? Impressive. Paint a masterpiece? Impressive. Go to law school? Not so much. Anyone who's willing to work their ass off (literally AND figuratively) could do at least passable. That's what I'm most worried about- when I get overwhelmed, I just shut down.
That's my key to success. Just try not to shut down completely. I can at the very least ride that 'B' wave right through....
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