Apartment pics coming soon!
If you haven't added me on Skype I'm lori.pletka......
Also, here's where I'm probably going to do my laundry. Notice anything....interesting about the place? lol
Duds n Suds
Sunday, August 26, 2012
Wednesday, August 22, 2012
First Day of Orientation
Well, thus far it's been the obligatory introductions of all the people in charge of my life for the next three years followed by a truly enjoyable hour-long headache with the IT people. We clogged the network. Go figure. So now there's a lecture hall full of people with raised hands, confused faces, and I believe I saw one guy try to perform Avada Kedavra on the poor IT lady. *Sigh* Computers.....
Mine's up and running, so that's good. But yeah...we're only an hour and a half in and I'm frustrated and can barely keep my eyes open. I know what you're thinking: Lori, pay attention!! Well, right now we're at the noise level equivalent to indoor recess in a fourth grade classroom and the chaos? Well, let's just say Guernica had nothing to complain about in comparison. (Too soon?). On the plus side, I don't have to worry about buying Microsoft Office if I get a smaller computer because we get it free through the school. Also online document backup. And a bunch of other crap I won't know how to use lol.
EVERYone has a Mac. I'm like, one of five kids with a regular PC. Weird.
By the way, generally speaking a law school class is supposed to be about 200 students. For some reason, they only accepted 128 of us....apparently it's like that every year. I wonder if they're trying to keep their rejection rates up? Trying to keep things exclusive? Like keeping class sizes small? I don't know...They have the normal amount of applicants comparable to other schools. Idk....Ijdek....
Ugh, the obligatory 'I'm trying to throw out legal terms I know to impress everyone' guy. Joyyyy. The people who did the summer session here don't have to come to all of orientation, so they left to get breakfast. My friend texted me and said one guy is already having drinks (please note- that's plural). That was around 10:15 am.....welcome to law school! lol
Now we're being walked through how to write a case brief. God help me. I've written dozens of briefs, WHY AM I HERE?!
Last night was my first night in my apartment. Technically I lived alone in Village, but nine times out of ten I had at least one of the gang there to spend the night. Thus, I'm living alone for the first time in my life. It's weird. It was way too quiet. It was kind of odd because there was no one just down the hall if I got bored or sad to talk to. I'll get used to it, and really it's not that I hated it, I just missed 303 a little :) I think once I get a bed and all that I'll feel more at home. And once I figure out how to not breathe in the smell of deep fried food and curry from the outside door to my apartment I'll be just fine.
I'm exhausted. I can't keep my eyes open! Ugh.
Mine's up and running, so that's good. But yeah...we're only an hour and a half in and I'm frustrated and can barely keep my eyes open. I know what you're thinking: Lori, pay attention!! Well, right now we're at the noise level equivalent to indoor recess in a fourth grade classroom and the chaos? Well, let's just say Guernica had nothing to complain about in comparison. (Too soon?). On the plus side, I don't have to worry about buying Microsoft Office if I get a smaller computer because we get it free through the school. Also online document backup. And a bunch of other crap I won't know how to use lol.
EVERYone has a Mac. I'm like, one of five kids with a regular PC. Weird.
By the way, generally speaking a law school class is supposed to be about 200 students. For some reason, they only accepted 128 of us....apparently it's like that every year. I wonder if they're trying to keep their rejection rates up? Trying to keep things exclusive? Like keeping class sizes small? I don't know...They have the normal amount of applicants comparable to other schools. Idk....Ijdek....
Ugh, the obligatory 'I'm trying to throw out legal terms I know to impress everyone' guy. Joyyyy. The people who did the summer session here don't have to come to all of orientation, so they left to get breakfast. My friend texted me and said one guy is already having drinks (please note- that's plural). That was around 10:15 am.....welcome to law school! lol
Now we're being walked through how to write a case brief. God help me. I've written dozens of briefs, WHY AM I HERE?!
Last night was my first night in my apartment. Technically I lived alone in Village, but nine times out of ten I had at least one of the gang there to spend the night. Thus, I'm living alone for the first time in my life. It's weird. It was way too quiet. It was kind of odd because there was no one just down the hall if I got bored or sad to talk to. I'll get used to it, and really it's not that I hated it, I just missed 303 a little :) I think once I get a bed and all that I'll feel more at home. And once I figure out how to not breathe in the smell of deep fried food and curry from the outside door to my apartment I'll be just fine.
I'm exhausted. I can't keep my eyes open! Ugh.
Sunday, August 19, 2012
T-Minus 53 Hours
Can't sleep again.
I really just want someone to tell me it's all going to be just fine. But people have told me that, so I guess what I truly want is to believe them.
"That's the thing about getting older. Being a teenager is having all of the freedom in the world and having no autonomy with which to enjoy it. Being in college is having too much of both and taking a while to figure out a balance. After finally striking that balance, you're suddenly a grown-up. Now you have all the autonomy you could ever want and the least freedom with which to enjoy it than you've ever had before." Me waxing philosophical one day while scrap booking.
I thought I would feel better about this. When I was younger and people would ask 'What do you want to be?' I would ALWAYS say 'An attorney!' and it never failed, every time they would say to my parents, 'Oh, you must be so proud! She'd be perfect for that, she's such a good talker!'. So I guess I built up in my mind this belief that they SHOULD be proud of me and that this law school thing was just a minor detour to the glitzy, showy court room performances in my future.
No. Not only am I competing for grades for the first time, but I'll be competing with people whose intelligence is beyond what I can even comprehend. They're going to mess up the curve for the rest of us. Secondly, law school is not really that impressive. Juggling plates? Impressive. Med school? Impressive. Paint a masterpiece? Impressive. Go to law school? Not so much. Anyone who's willing to work their ass off (literally AND figuratively) could do at least passable. That's what I'm most worried about- when I get overwhelmed, I just shut down.
That's my key to success. Just try not to shut down completely. I can at the very least ride that 'B' wave right through....
I really just want someone to tell me it's all going to be just fine. But people have told me that, so I guess what I truly want is to believe them.
"That's the thing about getting older. Being a teenager is having all of the freedom in the world and having no autonomy with which to enjoy it. Being in college is having too much of both and taking a while to figure out a balance. After finally striking that balance, you're suddenly a grown-up. Now you have all the autonomy you could ever want and the least freedom with which to enjoy it than you've ever had before." Me waxing philosophical one day while scrap booking.
I thought I would feel better about this. When I was younger and people would ask 'What do you want to be?' I would ALWAYS say 'An attorney!' and it never failed, every time they would say to my parents, 'Oh, you must be so proud! She'd be perfect for that, she's such a good talker!'. So I guess I built up in my mind this belief that they SHOULD be proud of me and that this law school thing was just a minor detour to the glitzy, showy court room performances in my future.
No. Not only am I competing for grades for the first time, but I'll be competing with people whose intelligence is beyond what I can even comprehend. They're going to mess up the curve for the rest of us. Secondly, law school is not really that impressive. Juggling plates? Impressive. Med school? Impressive. Paint a masterpiece? Impressive. Go to law school? Not so much. Anyone who's willing to work their ass off (literally AND figuratively) could do at least passable. That's what I'm most worried about- when I get overwhelmed, I just shut down.
That's my key to success. Just try not to shut down completely. I can at the very least ride that 'B' wave right through....
Saturday, August 18, 2012
It's looking bleak, my friends.
There's already too much homework. I had all these grand plans of making it to the gym with Eric and getting to socialize (or at least call you guys) on the weekends.
Nay.
Nay, my friends.
I am about to embark on an adventure so harrowing I'll be lucky if I get regular showers, let alone meals, and (even more laughable)- exercise! The most hilarious and misguided of these beliefs was the one about getting to hear voices of people that care. Or even see their faces. I'll have long forgotten what my own face looks like, let alone you guys'!
If you can't tell, I've hit a wall.
Yeah, yeah. I've heard them all
"This is what growing up is all about!"
"But won't it be awesome to be on your own?"
"Well, at least you'll have no distractions!"
"It'll be soooo worth it in the end!"
Ok, that's fanfrackingtastic if this is what growing up is all about. That doesn't mean I have to like it. I'm going to be living in an apartment with one bowl, a bottle of shampoo, and a pillow. No raised surfaces. No chairs. No desk. NO SHELVES FOR MY LAW BOOKS. (Which, in case you were wondering, are worth more than my car. Yup. I know that's not saying a lot considering what I drive, but still). If I don't get eaten by spiders from sleeping on a floor, my books will be carried away by some roaches at the very least. I should get really Hemingway about it and take nothing but a bottle of whiskey and a Bible.
hmmmm.
Yeah. It's awesome being on my own. Seriously. I'll have a bajillion different bills to remember to pay each month (I can't even remember to grab my phone when I leave my car, so this should be interesting). And then, THEN what they DON'T tell you when you're in school is that when you're being a real grown-up, there's no 'bail out' option. You can't call Mom and Dad. At least in undergrad there was always a safety net. If things got confusing, like if you couldn't find a doctor that took your insurance, or didn't know what to ask for when you went to Valvoline, or got headaches when researching what phone plan/ bed frame/ internet service provider- you could always call for backup. Then, if things went to crap, you could blame someone else and potentially guilt them into fixing it for you. Here's the thing- I have to do this all myself. Yeah, to some of you you may be like, 'Please, I've done this for years. Get over yourself.' Well I haven't. And I'm stressed and annoyed with it all, quite frankly. I'm positive you didn't welcome it with open arms. And for the most part I'm alright; I just have moments similar to this one where I like to throw myself a fabulously dreary pity party. No one's invited. It's much more pitiful if I'm alone.
No distractions. Really? REALLY. I always feel like slapping these randoms in the face. I'm A.D.D. you fool. EVERYthing is a distraction. My big toe, my hair, Youtube (curse you, YOUTUUUUUBE!) , I could go on forever. The point is, is that I'm already prone to distraction. So don't act like I'm going to some monastery, taking a vow of silence, living in solitude in order to find inner peace and therefore my classes will be a breeze. I'm going to law school, where the assignments are so big and scary they can suck out your organs. Yeah....who WOULDN'T find reasons to procrastinate those??
And finally, the 'at least it will all be worth it'. Ahem. Will it? I keep asking myself that over and over and I'm not even there yet. Just writing this post has given me a migraine. Just THINKING about it is that stressful. What if I emerge after my 3L a soulless legal zombie? I'll have no family, no friends (never had time), and no lover (in this scenario my current one has long grown tired of me and the monster I've become). BUT I'll have graduated in the top ten percent, I'll have a great job lined up, and a piece of paper saying I'm allegedly slightly more educated than those that just went to undergrad. Then, I can start work at this awesome job working 80-90 hour weeks busting ass writing briefs, drafting proposals, and reviewing depositions, rendering my degree useless. Until one day someone decides that I sucked less than they assumed and gives me a chance to actually practice law...after five or so years. I'll remain alone, but hey that's ok because I can't take time off for vacations or visits ANYways. I can work myself into a stupor by forty. Woohoo!
Okay. I'll stop ranting now. I'm exhausted and can't sleep. Go figure. I know it's not as bad as I've made it out to be- not even close. I have a home, a car, and I'm going to school. These are all things that I should be extremely grateful for. I'm also really glad to start doing all of this on my own. I was so amped when I took my car in for an oil change. Even more so when I switched insurance companies. Psh. Driving to Des Moines and moving into an apartment for the first time by myself? I'll have to contain my glee until I'm safely inside where no one can judge me. (It's the little milestones in life that matter most, in my opinion. They're the route you took to get to the big ones). I need to prove to myself that I don't need any crutches. Or someone to blame. (That's the thing about hypothetical crutches, people use them for different reasons. Some because they can't move forward without them, others because they want people to view them as someone who needs help and are therefore more prone to help, or my reasoning- if I trip and fall I can blame the crutch.) I'm ready to take ownership of my life. I'm just really kind of...scared I guess.
I led a sheltered life. I get overwhelmed when I think about online bill paying, policy numbers, broken fuel pumps- you know, the Nitty Gritty, if you will. But I guess it's a trial-by-error kind of thing. Eventually I'll know what questions to ask and how to best explain what I need, etc. Hopefully before I'm 30. That's a nice round number for the year I would like to make sure I'm no longer an idiot by.
I'm blathering. I'm going to attempt sleep again.
Nay.
Nay, my friends.
I am about to embark on an adventure so harrowing I'll be lucky if I get regular showers, let alone meals, and (even more laughable)- exercise! The most hilarious and misguided of these beliefs was the one about getting to hear voices of people that care. Or even see their faces. I'll have long forgotten what my own face looks like, let alone you guys'!
If you can't tell, I've hit a wall.
Yeah, yeah. I've heard them all
"This is what growing up is all about!"
"But won't it be awesome to be on your own?"
"Well, at least you'll have no distractions!"
"It'll be soooo worth it in the end!"
Ok, that's fanfrackingtastic if this is what growing up is all about. That doesn't mean I have to like it. I'm going to be living in an apartment with one bowl, a bottle of shampoo, and a pillow. No raised surfaces. No chairs. No desk. NO SHELVES FOR MY LAW BOOKS. (Which, in case you were wondering, are worth more than my car. Yup. I know that's not saying a lot considering what I drive, but still). If I don't get eaten by spiders from sleeping on a floor, my books will be carried away by some roaches at the very least. I should get really Hemingway about it and take nothing but a bottle of whiskey and a Bible.
hmmmm.
Yeah. It's awesome being on my own. Seriously. I'll have a bajillion different bills to remember to pay each month (I can't even remember to grab my phone when I leave my car, so this should be interesting). And then, THEN what they DON'T tell you when you're in school is that when you're being a real grown-up, there's no 'bail out' option. You can't call Mom and Dad. At least in undergrad there was always a safety net. If things got confusing, like if you couldn't find a doctor that took your insurance, or didn't know what to ask for when you went to Valvoline, or got headaches when researching what phone plan/ bed frame/ internet service provider- you could always call for backup. Then, if things went to crap, you could blame someone else and potentially guilt them into fixing it for you. Here's the thing- I have to do this all myself. Yeah, to some of you you may be like, 'Please, I've done this for years. Get over yourself.' Well I haven't. And I'm stressed and annoyed with it all, quite frankly. I'm positive you didn't welcome it with open arms. And for the most part I'm alright; I just have moments similar to this one where I like to throw myself a fabulously dreary pity party. No one's invited. It's much more pitiful if I'm alone.
No distractions. Really? REALLY. I always feel like slapping these randoms in the face. I'm A.D.D. you fool. EVERYthing is a distraction. My big toe, my hair, Youtube (curse you, YOUTUUUUUBE!) , I could go on forever. The point is, is that I'm already prone to distraction. So don't act like I'm going to some monastery, taking a vow of silence, living in solitude in order to find inner peace and therefore my classes will be a breeze. I'm going to law school, where the assignments are so big and scary they can suck out your organs. Yeah....who WOULDN'T find reasons to procrastinate those??
And finally, the 'at least it will all be worth it'. Ahem. Will it? I keep asking myself that over and over and I'm not even there yet. Just writing this post has given me a migraine. Just THINKING about it is that stressful. What if I emerge after my 3L a soulless legal zombie? I'll have no family, no friends (never had time), and no lover (in this scenario my current one has long grown tired of me and the monster I've become). BUT I'll have graduated in the top ten percent, I'll have a great job lined up, and a piece of paper saying I'm allegedly slightly more educated than those that just went to undergrad. Then, I can start work at this awesome job working 80-90 hour weeks busting ass writing briefs, drafting proposals, and reviewing depositions, rendering my degree useless. Until one day someone decides that I sucked less than they assumed and gives me a chance to actually practice law...after five or so years. I'll remain alone, but hey that's ok because I can't take time off for vacations or visits ANYways. I can work myself into a stupor by forty. Woohoo!
Okay. I'll stop ranting now. I'm exhausted and can't sleep. Go figure. I know it's not as bad as I've made it out to be- not even close. I have a home, a car, and I'm going to school. These are all things that I should be extremely grateful for. I'm also really glad to start doing all of this on my own. I was so amped when I took my car in for an oil change. Even more so when I switched insurance companies. Psh. Driving to Des Moines and moving into an apartment for the first time by myself? I'll have to contain my glee until I'm safely inside where no one can judge me. (It's the little milestones in life that matter most, in my opinion. They're the route you took to get to the big ones). I need to prove to myself that I don't need any crutches. Or someone to blame. (That's the thing about hypothetical crutches, people use them for different reasons. Some because they can't move forward without them, others because they want people to view them as someone who needs help and are therefore more prone to help, or my reasoning- if I trip and fall I can blame the crutch.) I'm ready to take ownership of my life. I'm just really kind of...scared I guess.
I led a sheltered life. I get overwhelmed when I think about online bill paying, policy numbers, broken fuel pumps- you know, the Nitty Gritty, if you will. But I guess it's a trial-by-error kind of thing. Eventually I'll know what questions to ask and how to best explain what I need, etc. Hopefully before I'm 30. That's a nice round number for the year I would like to make sure I'm no longer an idiot by.
I'm blathering. I'm going to attempt sleep again.
Thursday, August 16, 2012
So I'm Shopping For a Bed....(Not that you care)
Ok....does this look good? I've never shopped for a bed before. I like the way this platform bed costs. If I bought that, since I won't need a frame or a box spring I can afford to get a bigger, better mattress.
So, I got my first assignments. Just for orientation I have to read almost 200 pages. So. Excited.
Friday, August 10, 2012
I think I'm over the whole fancy coloring thing. It makes my eyes hurt, so I'm sure it's not a treat for you guys. So, I move in about nine days. Here's a list of things I have to do (not that you're remotely interested):
1) take care of my car insurance ($280 for six months?? Highway robbery! Haha...see what I did there?)
2) switch banks (I've been with Commerce since I was like, five. I have no idea how to pick a bank...I feel like I'm breaking up with the longest relationship I've ever had)
3)research phone companies and deals (any help with this is appreciated! I'm going back on my own phone line in December and my spoiled ass wants an iPhone lol)
4) make budget (if you know me at all, this will be not only the hardest thing I've ever done, but possibly the hardest thing I'll ever have to stick to. I would rather be a vegetarian than watch my spending lol)
5) Get my books (some guy just got his from the bookstore, ALL used, $700. I LOVE LAW SCHOOL!!! (note sarcasm)
6)get a parking pass (let's hope their DPS isn't anything like SEMO's. If they are, I may end up getting raped and killed on campus because the officers were distracted writing parking tickets).
7) secure a job? (This is a big question. Everyone is saying not to, and technically I'm not supposed to. However, extra money would be kinda nice, especially because I have some fun things I'd like to do if I get a moment of free time- highly unlikely, this I know)
8) attempt credit card ownership (I'm looking for one with miles since I'm going to most likely be flying back and forth on breaks)
9) pack (ugh. Since all I will have is Chico, I will be only able to take what can fit into him. I will be living like an intellectual neanderthal. Joy.
11) immunization paperwork (for Drake. This makes me feel like a pure bred dog)
Here's my class schedule (I'm the first one, Section 300-which I'm in with someone I met over that weekend I spent at Drake so I'm excited to have a friend lol)
Class Schedule PDF
Here's my mailing address:
Lorelai Pletka
2201 26th Street
#3
Des Moines, IA 50310
1) take care of my car insurance ($280 for six months?? Highway robbery! Haha...see what I did there?)
2) switch banks (I've been with Commerce since I was like, five. I have no idea how to pick a bank...I feel like I'm breaking up with the longest relationship I've ever had)
3)research phone companies and deals (any help with this is appreciated! I'm going back on my own phone line in December and my spoiled ass wants an iPhone lol)
4) make budget (if you know me at all, this will be not only the hardest thing I've ever done, but possibly the hardest thing I'll ever have to stick to. I would rather be a vegetarian than watch my spending lol)
5) Get my books (some guy just got his from the bookstore, ALL used, $700. I LOVE LAW SCHOOL!!! (note sarcasm)
6)get a parking pass (let's hope their DPS isn't anything like SEMO's. If they are, I may end up getting raped and killed on campus because the officers were distracted writing parking tickets).
7) secure a job? (This is a big question. Everyone is saying not to, and technically I'm not supposed to. However, extra money would be kinda nice, especially because I have some fun things I'd like to do if I get a moment of free time- highly unlikely, this I know)
8) attempt credit card ownership (I'm looking for one with miles since I'm going to most likely be flying back and forth on breaks)
9) pack (ugh. Since all I will have is Chico, I will be only able to take what can fit into him. I will be living like an intellectual neanderthal. Joy.
11) immunization paperwork (for Drake. This makes me feel like a pure bred dog)
Here's my class schedule (I'm the first one, Section 300-which I'm in with someone I met over that weekend I spent at Drake so I'm excited to have a friend lol)
Class Schedule PDF
Here's my mailing address:
Lorelai Pletka
2201 26th Street
#3
Des Moines, IA 50310
Saturday, August 4, 2012
Don't Ask Questions You Don't Want to Know the Answers To
Okay, so like the title says my point lately is don't ask questions you don't want to know the answers to. This is one of the first rules of Tarot, but also should be one of the first rules of life. My biggest problem is that I'm extremely curious. Honestly, the answers I will get will most likely torture me. I will stay awake at night replaying the scenarios or words in my head, creating extremely deep wounds. Once they start to coagulate and heal, I start replaying it again and again, opening up the wound and further agitating it. Is this sick to the point of masochism? Yes. Can I help it? Maybe. But like I said, my curiosity eats at me. Not knowing is far worse to me. I have always had an overactive imagination (quite a shock to you guys, I know, lol) and if I don't know the actual answers I'll invent my own. Mine, however, won't be anywhere close to reasonable. They'll involve Mexican drug cartels, cheating suburban gardeners, and rocket ships getting lost in the atmosphere. All that to explain why you didn't call me back last night. Yeah, it's crazy. I get that. I'm working on it.
It blows my mind to think that parents could disown a child because their political beliefs, moral compasses, or life 'choices' don't exactly mesh. Isn't the whole point of becoming a parent is to show another human being unconditional love so deep and earth-shattering you can lift cars off of them and move entire mountains to make sure they never have to suffer like you did? People become parents for various reasons, I'll concede that. But something should happen when you hold that child- regardless of whether you're a Christian, two-parent family who planned the kid or an alcoholic single woman who had an accident- regardless of the circumstances, something should happen. You should look into the eyes of that innocent and realize that the world you used to live in suddenly just got a lot bigger and scarier. You're no longer the nucleus of your universe. Somehow, overnight, someone else came into your world and should own part of your heart. Everything that mattered before should be called into question and your priorities should be completely reshuffled. I'm not saying you should completely disregard your belief system, but your priority should be loving your child. Above anything- your addictions, your friends, your love of designer shoes- all of that should become arbitrary.
I don't know. I guess I have this romanticized concept of love and family. I barely have the ability to cut someone out of my life for actually betraying me, let alone just because I don't agree with something they do. A lot of people have told me that this is because I'm 'too nice' (which, by the way, is complete B.S. because there's an equal amount of people that would argue that I've acheived a new level of bitchiness. That's another rant for another time.). I've spent a lifetime attempting to cultivate and create the family that the books and movies show us. At what age does one give up and realize that it's just never going to happen?
Except I have family. I have the most amazing friends that anyone could ever ask for. When we hang out, I get that Hallmark-y family feeling. We've watched sunsets, sunrises, held each other when the world crashed down around us, gotten angry by proxy, stayed up all night asking the important questions- forcing each other to think more deeply and from different perspectives, but above all- we've made each other laugh. No matter how bad things have gotten- break-ups, test scores we weren't happy with, sickness, pasts coming back to haunt us, and every other curve ball life has thrown us- we've been there for each other. We listen, we understand, and we laugh.
My friends have shown me what's really important. No matter how busy we've been, we've managed to make time for each other. When I think of having children some day (MAYBE...hypothetically....)I know that my friends will be an installation in my children's lives. They will be Aunts and Uncles. Each of them can teach my children something different- be it Hutchy showing them how to be kind regardless of the situation, Katie showing my girls how to stand up for themselves and the boys what's acceptable and what's not, Jen showing my children that a little mystery goes a long way and that listening is the best thing a friend can do, Kassy showing them how to find the beat of their own drum and how to dance to it-not giving a flying eff who's watching and what they think of it, Sam teaching the boys how to dress and the girls how to not put up with anyone's crap, and Tori....well, Tori will be that crazy, rebellious aunt that makes my kids feel like they're doing something crazy and bad that mom doesn't know about; which, knowing Tori, I won't know about. As long as they come back home in one piece....:)
I'm rambling. It's my favorite activity. The moral of the story is this:
1) Don't ask questions that you can't handle the answers to
2) If you choose to become a parent, reshuffle that priority list. If you are anywhere in the top five, hell, the top ten- keep redoing that list until you've got it right
3) Real family doesn't have to be blood. DNA does not a loving group make.
<3
It blows my mind to think that parents could disown a child because their political beliefs, moral compasses, or life 'choices' don't exactly mesh. Isn't the whole point of becoming a parent is to show another human being unconditional love so deep and earth-shattering you can lift cars off of them and move entire mountains to make sure they never have to suffer like you did? People become parents for various reasons, I'll concede that. But something should happen when you hold that child- regardless of whether you're a Christian, two-parent family who planned the kid or an alcoholic single woman who had an accident- regardless of the circumstances, something should happen. You should look into the eyes of that innocent and realize that the world you used to live in suddenly just got a lot bigger and scarier. You're no longer the nucleus of your universe. Somehow, overnight, someone else came into your world and should own part of your heart. Everything that mattered before should be called into question and your priorities should be completely reshuffled. I'm not saying you should completely disregard your belief system, but your priority should be loving your child. Above anything- your addictions, your friends, your love of designer shoes- all of that should become arbitrary.
I don't know. I guess I have this romanticized concept of love and family. I barely have the ability to cut someone out of my life for actually betraying me, let alone just because I don't agree with something they do. A lot of people have told me that this is because I'm 'too nice' (which, by the way, is complete B.S. because there's an equal amount of people that would argue that I've acheived a new level of bitchiness. That's another rant for another time.). I've spent a lifetime attempting to cultivate and create the family that the books and movies show us. At what age does one give up and realize that it's just never going to happen?
Except I have family. I have the most amazing friends that anyone could ever ask for. When we hang out, I get that Hallmark-y family feeling. We've watched sunsets, sunrises, held each other when the world crashed down around us, gotten angry by proxy, stayed up all night asking the important questions- forcing each other to think more deeply and from different perspectives, but above all- we've made each other laugh. No matter how bad things have gotten- break-ups, test scores we weren't happy with, sickness, pasts coming back to haunt us, and every other curve ball life has thrown us- we've been there for each other. We listen, we understand, and we laugh.
My friends have shown me what's really important. No matter how busy we've been, we've managed to make time for each other. When I think of having children some day (MAYBE...hypothetically....)I know that my friends will be an installation in my children's lives. They will be Aunts and Uncles. Each of them can teach my children something different- be it Hutchy showing them how to be kind regardless of the situation, Katie showing my girls how to stand up for themselves and the boys what's acceptable and what's not, Jen showing my children that a little mystery goes a long way and that listening is the best thing a friend can do, Kassy showing them how to find the beat of their own drum and how to dance to it-not giving a flying eff who's watching and what they think of it, Sam teaching the boys how to dress and the girls how to not put up with anyone's crap, and Tori....well, Tori will be that crazy, rebellious aunt that makes my kids feel like they're doing something crazy and bad that mom doesn't know about; which, knowing Tori, I won't know about. As long as they come back home in one piece....:)
I'm rambling. It's my favorite activity. The moral of the story is this:
1) Don't ask questions that you can't handle the answers to
2) If you choose to become a parent, reshuffle that priority list. If you are anywhere in the top five, hell, the top ten- keep redoing that list until you've got it right
3) Real family doesn't have to be blood. DNA does not a loving group make.
<3
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)