So the past few weeks have been a crash course in existentialism and how exactly to find out where my little atom of a self fits into this ginormous supersystem with the billions and trillions of other atoms out there vying for the same resources. People often complain about how hard it is to find their soulmate, 7billionpeoplesixviablecontinentssubstractthisblahblahblah.
Yeah. Got it. Thanks for the algorithm you've concocted as to why you're ass has been single for twelve years. My guess is it's your awful personality, El Minion, but hey what do I know?? Whew. Moving on....
What people should really be complaining about is the difficulty in finding yourself. We are masters at playing hide and seek with all kinds of things inside: our true feelings for someone, memories, guilt, etc. so why is it such a stretch for some people to admit that they may not know themselves as well as they think? It's why I'm grateful for undergrad, and I say this all the time, but I didn't really change in undergrad. I did, however, realize who I was and I learned to be really happy with that. Sure, there's things I'm working on (that whole 'trust issues' thing is a monster I'm learning to tame), but I'm not changing my entire personality because I actually LIKE my personality. Why? Because the first person I put on the list to invite to my parties is me. Because I'm that awesome.
I digress.
The process of growing up, according to Holly, is not this magical door you just walk through one day. You don't suddenly realize "Oh, I'm much too old to do a keg stand." "No, no I think I'll stay in. Double-dutching on Dobbin's front lawn at three a.m. just doesn't sound mature, guys." etc etc etc.
Well, I know that. It's a process. A very long, exhaustive process. My growing up started when I left my parents house in high school and it's STILL in progress. But that's the thing, is while you should cease being childish at a certain age (the younger the better), you should never cease being childlike. Part of the reason I'm able to get past the things that have happened and the things I've been through is that I still get excited (this goes for some of you guys, too). About all kinds of things....like Disney World. Hell, we get excited about a Disney movie lol. We can stare at clouds and find shapes in them. We could totally get down with some bubbles. Crayons and a coloring book? We're entertained for an afternoon.
For a moment, however brief, it's important to see the world through the eyes of your inner child. It gives you a fresh lens free from cynicism and disdain. And for a split second, you can't remember why you were stressed, or angry, or whatever it was you were. You see the world as you once did, pure. Full of opportunities. And to me, that's nothing to be embarrassed about. Frankly, world, I don't give a damn. I will continue to get amped when McDonald's gets the My Little Pony Happy Meal toys. I will continue to get excited each time Pixar makes another movie. And I will continue to giggle like a five year old girl when I walk into Disney World. (I will also probably cry....but that's another issue for another time lol). Why? Because I can. Because I still believe that there's good in the world we live in. That while things are falling apart everywhere there are still simple pleasures one can enjoy and not care about anything else while they do it.
So, that's my poorly constructed post lacking flow and a cohesive design ranting and raving about nothing in particular. Ooh my SEMO people will love this: So, I can't officially go to Drake until I send my transcripts. SEMO sent me excess student loan money recently saying 'Oh, our bad, here's this extra.'. Ummm ok. So, I go to send my final transcripts proving I graduated and lo and behold there's a hold on my account for going over my printing because of that stupid writing class. I'm about to stab myself in the forehead. On the plus side, I found an apartment at Drake. Hopefully I can get all of this worked out by the end of the week so I can focus on packing and trying to see all of you guys :(((((
Cheers!
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